people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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