my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
