the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
