the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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