i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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