So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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