I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
