I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
