I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
why is half of my head shaved?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
