My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize