Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
