I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
