Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
