I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize