You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
