Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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