Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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