i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize