the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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