apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
