remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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