she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just pee around me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
