Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
