i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
