is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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