he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
