Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

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(786): View more from Florida

Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

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(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

Fav 41 9937 3830
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(314): View more from Missouri

For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

Fav 11 4957 1501
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(727): View more from Florida

just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

Fav 8 2473 1500
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(505): View more from New Mexico

You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"

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(519): View more from Ontario

Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face

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(757): View more from Virginia

the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself

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