Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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