when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
