Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
