In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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