My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
