dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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