I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
