I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
