I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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