Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
