i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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