I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
