I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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