I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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