mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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