She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
