Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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