I'm so fucking centered right now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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