Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
