Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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