If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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