Cold hands, warm shart.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
being pregnant is like rehab
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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