Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
