also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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