I'm eating all of the evidence.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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