Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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