it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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