All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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