i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
