just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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