i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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