i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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