we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
