Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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