i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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