dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sext me about skeletons
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
