used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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